Peter on Life, Part 15

"life isn't like a box of chocolates. life is like a bunch of assholes who feel the need to speak."

Peter on Motivation, Part 2

"if you're gonna be an asshole, be the biggest one you can be."

Peter on People

"don't get me wrong, i do like people, but fuck 'em!"

Peter on Life, Part 10

"i'm not unhappy about being 400 pounds. i'm unhappy because every person around me is an asshole."

Peter on Country Music, Part 3

"if you've heard one country song then you have A) pretty much heard them all, and B) have heard enough."

Peter on The Circle of Safety, Part 2

"there is nothing you need here.*"

*"here" being defined as within peter's circle of safety. search this blog for "circle of safety" to learn more.

Peter on New York State

"my dog has more relevance than these people.*"

*new york state agencies

Peter on Dale T, Part 5

"dale T. is a big ass baby, so something as simple as getting a shot could very well set him over the deep end of reality, leave him plummeting out of control, spiraling into a deep void that is, in reality, his life, and causing him to lose his bladder and mind."

Peter on The Boss

"i think i speak for everyone with more than 2 active brain cells when i say FUCK THE BOSS! i didn't want to listen to him today,* much less know i'll have endure the prick during the super bowl, too! i mean, come on!"

*said after bruce springsteen presented a new song on sunday night football this week.

Peter on His Bad Side

"don't be getting on my bad side... either of them."

Peter on Lite Beer

"i don't get lite beer. either drink real beer, or don't, but don't tease my ass with half-assed beer. i'm sorry, lite beer is like decaf coffee and diet soda: worthless shit that isn't needed within reality."

Peter on School

"the ultimate question is why aren't these kids in school? it's august for God's sake. what are they doing outta school? see, the problem is i never had summer vacation. i was in school 24/7. i was in school all day. back then school was your CAREER, quote unquote. now it's just a hobby to these kids."

Peter on Deer

"they live in the fuckin' forest. there's people out foraging for berries and shit out there. every time we're there somebody will look out the window and yell DEER! dale T be yellin' 'DEEEERR! THERE'S A DEER LOOK AT DA DEEER A DEEEERRRR!' you mention deer in the house people run, honest to fuckin' God. like moses parting the red motherfucking sea. these people, whatever they were doing at the time, whatever they were planning, whatever they had in their hands, STOPPED. whatever the fuck was going on STOPPED. they drop their shit and they run to the fuckin' window. honest to God i have never seen so many people run to a fucking window."

Peter on the Circle of Safety

"my circle of safety extends out to about the roadway. from wherever i'm at to the driveway. you pull into the driveway, you're violating my personal space. that's the type of shit you get the shotgun for."

Peter on Asking Questions

"don't ask me questions that are irrelevant and have no point to reality. you wanna ask me a question, ask me about politics, ask me about religion, ask me about things that are relevant. things that will benefit you and make you a better person - ask me these questions because i have the answers. don't ask me stupid shit."

Peter on Video Game Etiquette

"don't sit there and peek around the corner and ask me stupid questions when i'm playing a video game like 'who's winning?' I'M winning. that's all you need to know."

Peter on Visiting Family

"my aunt linda, she wants me to come up to her house and to be honest with you, i don't wanna go. it's nothing personal, nothing against them, nothing against their house. nothing against anything. i just don't wanna leave my house. their house ain't my house and their house ain't got what my house does. i just don't wanna go. i don't wanna go and sit while dale T giggles and bucks out his teeth and giggles some more. that is not what i call a day in the park.

Peter on Country Music, Part 2

"i am not a hillbilly. i don't wanna hear about hillbilly life. i don't give two shits about what a hick goes through on a daily basis; you know: 'excuse me, but my beer's empty', 'can you help me find me a bottle opener?', 'my smokes are gone.' how can people live with this shit and play it 24 hours a day?

Peter on Country Music

"the dude takes a term and puts it with another term and they call it a hit. 'outta da clear blue skyyyy!' and of course, what do they name the song? 'clear blue sky.' uh, hello? it'd be like the little red chevy... LIL' RED CHEVYYYY! na nat nah nana nah na! i mean what the fuck is that?"

Peter on Baby Parties, Part 4

"no. there's absolutely no need for something like that*. unless you are related - closely. 'oh my cousin's sister's uncle's bobbie's cousin's brother...' wha, who? what the fuck? NO! n-n-n-n-no! you don't need to go to that party!"

*attending the birthday party of the offspring of a friend or coworker.