Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Peter on I Have A Dream at 50

The dream, is just that...a dream, it can never be achieved without serious kick in the collective slacks!

When a 400 pound crippled man with a cane gets scoffed at while walking down the chip aisle of the local store or...

When a single mother gets treated like a destroyer of the American Dream because she doesn't have a father in her children's' lives (Like his participation wasn't desired?!)

Like a case of the shits; some things are just out of our control.

The dream will never be realized when someone working two jobs and who still needs food stamps to make ends meet are treated like second class citizens.

'If you don't work, you don't eat' - well, maybe someone should tell that to Congress! A person's content of character is easy to scold when you are looking down from your ivory towers wondering why they feel jilted. It's easy to engage in real 'class warfare' as you sit behind your cameras and microphones calling them 'lazy,' and 'victims' while collecting a very nice paycheck. Showing empathy for your fellow man is not Un-American in fact, it is the most American, most godly thing one can do. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God; Love they neighbor as you would love yourself. Don't do it for your political party, do it because it's right. Do it for Christ, follow His example and simply: Do. What. Is. Right!

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Peter on Effective Parenting

"I was frying eggs while standing on a chair at age 2. I knew my parents were worthless and that I'd have to fend for myself even at that tender age."

Monday, August 26, 2013

Peter on This Day in History

"So wait, on this day in history, Woman got the right to vote and it's also National Dog Day? Well, ain't that a bitch!"

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Peter on Alternate Universe Dreams

"I just had a dream from an alternate universe! In the dream the mail had just arrived and I open a package to see that I had bought some DVD's. After looking them over I say to someone in the dream, "I already have all these, why did I buy them?" Just then, I looked down at the format: HD-DVD! Those who don't know, back in early 2000's there was a format war between the Sony backed Blu-ray (which own, obviously) and the Microsoft backed HD-DVD. I then see the MS logo, I sarcastically said 'eff this reality!' and I woke up! The movies were all from John Carpenter; one was Ghosts of Mars and the covers were generic lame-ass red-ish color. It was a very sad universe!"

Friday, August 23, 2013

Peter on Touchscreen Technology

"Can anyone remember back in the Stone Age when we had buttons and when we pushed them, they worked?! Now it's all that damn touchscreen crap *TAP-TAP-TAP-TAP-TAP* and nothin'!"

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Peter on Good Band Names

"I think 'Take Me Out To The John' would be a great name for a band."

Peter on Professional Help

"I really should seek professional help...actually, I did, and the woman said, 'We can't help you here with what you need!' I wish this were a joke, but it actually happened back in '06."

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Peter on Dead Coma Life

"Have you ever had one of those days you just wish you were dead? And by 'days,' I means 'lives,' and by 'dead,' I really mean 'coma?' That's my life every waking moment."

Monday, August 19, 2013

Peter on Fatal Attraction

"I attract weird women, en mass. These women are like, way outside my class. Let's be honest. I'm barely a 2.5 to 3. Some of these women are like 6, 7, some closer to 8. But these women fall for me and I don't get it! I'm a firm believer - there ain't nothing here you need, ain't nothing here you want! But these women, they fall - WHOOOOO - they fall! Fatal attraction! OK! That one bitch was stalking me! She. Was. Stalking. Me."

Peter on Attraction

"You don't send me a woman with a fucking mullet!"

Peter on Sexual Abstinence

"Bitch, I wouldn't touch you with SOMEBODY ELSE'S dick!!"

Peter on Phone Usage

"If I gotta be the phone long enough for the phone to make my ear all red and hot and stingy, that means I'm on the phone way too much, i don't wanna be on the phone, get the fuck off my phone!"

Peter on Metallica's 'Unforgiven 2'

"'Unforgiven 2' - are you kidding me? I mean, you put a fucking '2' at the end of the song; are you kidding me? The first 'Unforgiven' was OK. It was good. And then they added a sequel? How the fuck you have a sequel to a song? I mean, that right there just proved that they didn't know what the fuck they were doing!"

Peter on Metallica

"Metallica hasn't been relevant since Napster!"

Peter on Country Music Norms

"It's generic bullshit and everybody sings the same stuff!"

Peter on Country Music - More

"Country Music speaks to the primal dumb-ass-ness of you that knows deep down inside YOU WILL BE NOTHING! You know that your life sucks! So you listen to the shit because you're on the same shit crick river! You get that, you understand that!"

Peter on Hillbillies

"Hillbillies have nothing to live for!"

Peter on the Effects of Country Music

"Country Music is a little bit different. There's something about Country Music that goes beyond that part of your brain that understands what's being sung. And it goes deeper - roots deeper - and rots part of it, chunks part of it, and just shits on it. That's what it does. It just shits on your brain. Country Music literally goes into your ears, and it finds a place in your brain, and it just shits. It just pops a turd right in there. And let's face it - most people who like Country Music are shitheads anyway. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! Anybody and their monkey could make country music!"

Peter on Country Music Again

"There is a primal part of your brain that has not evolved properly and that's where Country Music come from. You can relate to a fat ugly bitch with four homely kids. You can relate to that because you're a fucking loser!!"

Peter on Country Music

"Country Music comes from the most primal part of your brain. Two seconds and you've got a hit."

Peter on Circadian Rhythms

"I woke up just so I could take a nap..."

Peter on Phone Calls

"I don't know anyone in Clayton, NY so I don't answer the phone."

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Peter on Regular

"Nothing says 'regular' like a shitfaced grin..."

Friday, August 2, 2013

Peter on Vacuuming Concerns

"That awkward moment when you smell smoke coming from your vacuum...doesn't the thing realize that I'm going to power through anyway!? I got a job to do, I don't have time for pit stops...what is this, nASScar?"

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Peter on Passwords

"Every clown in New Delhi with a computer knows my password, yet I don't!"

Peter on Meatballz

"Ah'z be makin' meatballz! I've been needing one of these for months now and finally broke down and got one."