Peter on Slain in the Spirit Videos

"it's making me hate religion... all over again"*

*watching youtube videos of people getting "slain in the spirit"

Peter on School, Part 2

"mrs. prosser will whup some ass, but mr prosser wont' do shit. mr prosser be sitting on the couch watching westerns and eating beans.*"

*peter, upon recalling getting a note home to his parents which was addressed to his father, as opposed to his mother. his mother actually wore the pants in the family.

Peter on Cosplay

"if the cosplay is decent then it's all fine and good. but these toolbags who dress up like tingle* in their moms underwear really need help. i mean, i'm all for dressing up in your moms underwear, but tingle? there is something not right about all that."

*tingle is an openly gay character from the "legend of zelda" games series.

Peter on Family Feuds

"i said to him*, 'what, you called the cops on me for telling the truth?' and he says to me, 'dat’s truth from yer point of view!' correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s called an OPINION you fuckwit! a truth is a truth no matter where it’s coming from!"

*spoken about dale T, after the man harassed peter on trumped up charges

Peter on Visiting Family

"my aunt linda, she wants me to come up to her house and to be honest with you, i don't wanna go. it's nothing personal, nothing against them, nothing against their house. nothing against anything. i just don't wanna leave my house. their house ain't my house and their house ain't got what my house does. i just don't wanna go. i don't wanna go and sit while dale T giggles and bucks out his teeth and giggles some more. that is not what i call a day in the park.

Peter on Country Music

"the dude takes a term and puts it with another term and they call it a hit. 'outta da clear blue skyyyy!' and of course, what do they name the song? 'clear blue sky.' uh, hello? it'd be like the little red chevy... LIL' RED CHEVYYYY! na nat nah nana nah na! i mean what the fuck is that?"

Peter on Baby Parties, Part 4

"no. there's absolutely no need for something like that*. unless you are related - closely. 'oh my cousin's sister's uncle's bobbie's cousin's brother...' wha, who? what the fuck? NO! n-n-n-n-no! you don't need to go to that party!"

*attending the birthday party of the offspring of a friend or coworker.

Peter on Baby Parties, Part 3

"nobody in the fucking free world with more than two active brain cells needs to go to a five-year-old's party. especially if you ain't related. if you ain't related, you don't need to be at the kid's party EVER! you understand me? EVER. NEVER EVER EVER NEVER!"

Peter on Baby Parties, Part 2

"you wanna have cake? you know how you do it? you go down to your local walmart, you pick up a four dollar fucking cake, you take it to the house, and you cream each other's lips with it, and you giggle - HA HA HA - and talk about your girlie shit."

Peter on Baby Parties

"a five-year-old kid ain't gonna remember you were at the party. if you need to get together and gab, go to the bitches house on a tuesday, a thursday, a wednesday. you don't need a baby party to go to. it's that simple. you do not need to go to the baby's party just to get together and gab."