Peter on Lite Iced Tea

"have you ever tried to drink iced tea with fake sugar packets?? it just ain’t the same, and this on-going beverage blasphemy just isn’t going happen ANY MORE. all i want is real sugar in my tea and real mayo for everything else. is that so hard? i’m not asking for world peace or mountains to crumble or anything, just give me a few earthly delights before i die!"

Peter on Lite Beer

"i don't get lite beer. either drink real beer, or don't, but don't tease my ass with half-assed beer. i'm sorry, lite beer is like decaf coffee and diet soda: worthless shit that isn't needed within reality."