Peter on Gram, Part 4

"it's kinda like that saying 'in one ear and out the other' only in this case it's 'in both ears and right out your ass.'*"

*peter describing how gram doesn't really listen during "conversations."

Peter on Life, Part 10

"i'm not unhappy about being 400 pounds. i'm unhappy because every person around me is an asshole."

Peter on JC Penny

"jc penny should be totally ashamed of themselves for selling the crap that they do to innocent, stupid people like dale T."

Peter on Phones, Part 2

"there are some folks who just don’t get it. when the answering machine starts up and says, 'please leave a message after the beep…BEEEP' you can clearly hear the caller in the background talking to someone else, not hearing the message at all, and they then prove this by starting off with a joyfully giddy, 'hello?…hello?…HELLL-OH? *sigh* CLICK!' like i’m somehow the one at fault for their lack of ability to grasp the fucking situation? this, to me, should be punishable by death and death alone!"