Peter on Yodeling

"i don't understand why christians are all cock-bent over the idea that God loves yodeling. if God loves yodeling, then i don't love God."

Peter on Country Music

"hey, if chuck-fuck-norris likes a lil twangin' now and then, who am i to argue with the man?"

Peter on Traveling to Visit Family

"i know you are already regretting it! you can lie and tell me otherwise, but after a few more days you'll want to put a sandblaster to your face just to try and dull the pain."

Peter on Dealing With the Elderly

"forget what you THINK the bible says about dealing with old people! the fact is that the bible never met gram and the truth is if god loves her so he can take her home any fucking time. you notice she's still here... he hasnt come to get her yet; take that however you want to!"

Peter on Microsoft

"i think microsoft should buy the US postal service. at least that way it would have a reason for sucking so bad."

Peter on Plastic Packaging

"WHO IN THE BLUEFUCK THINKS THAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY SAVING MOTHER EARTH BY CUTTING A QUARTER OF AN INCH OF PLASTICK OUT OF MY DAMN DVD CASES? god damn them all to hell!!!"

Peter on Pain

"i'm just asking for a little bit of help here, not for god to move the mountians and part the fucking seas, just a kick to the nuts once in a while to dull the pain!"

Peter on Joran Van der Sloot

"why is a guy named 'vander-slooot' killing people? we should kill him just for his last name!"

Peter on the Summer

"my summer was the same as my winter: it sucked ass!"

Peter on Thinking

"after my mouth stopped moving my thought process was over, sir!"

Peter on Cleanliness

"i try and keep things clean, sir... as well as a 400 lb worthless cripple can!"

Peter on Bob Barker

"if bob fuck barker started yodeling all hell would break loose!"