Peter on Disownment

"disownment* is a funny thing."

*disownment: the state of being kicked out of house and home, rejected by kith and kin, and violated by family, state, weather patterns, time zones, and God.

Peter on Billing

"what are these bastards going to do, come to my house 2 weeks before christmas and break my goddamn legs if i don’t pay? and, hey, here’s an idea: when someone checks “bill me later,” try doing that! i haven’t received any goods or services from these people yet they're all up in my anus! if i don’t pay then close my account and stop being assholes about it!"

Peter on Dale T, Part 6

"really, it just puts the icing on the motherfuckin’ cosmic cake when you have a family member pissing in the wrong bathrooms in public places. i mean i don’t want to be known as the kid with the transsexual father! though i do sometimes wish he were a tranny... that might explain his cocked up behavior!"

Peter on Effort, Part 2

"our family has no stroke within our town... we only cause them."

Peter on Dale T, Part 5

"dale T. is a big ass baby, so something as simple as getting a shot could very well set him over the deep end of reality, leave him plummeting out of control, spiraling into a deep void that is, in reality, his life, and causing him to lose his bladder and mind."

Peter on Failure

“your father fell into the dip tank* again.**”

*a wire milling device that consists of a well of oil sludge and a swiftly spinning bail of wire.
**what peter's mother use to tell him when he was a child at every instance of his father - dale T - failing at life.

Peter on Phones, Part 3

"i really don’t get why the man* needs a phone at all. he has no friends, no one for him to call, and no one to call him so there is no point in wasting $150 on yet another electronic device that will either break or just end up in a cupboard and left for dead. we all know that within a few months the novelty will wear off and the mighty phone that now proudly reads 'dale T" when lit up will be no more."

*dale T.

Peter on Dale T, Part 4

"dale T. is a man of many talents, yet he is one to find himself in places he’d rather not be. no matter how much he tries he never seems to win - be it his work, his family, his church, his sexual orientation - something always seems to go south for the man."

Peter on Relationships

"relationships? no. i don't need to hear every freakin' day about how bad my life is and how she* wished she never met me... i don't need my mother back."

*whatever random woman might lower herself to become involved with me only to realize she hadn't yet truly suffered in life.

Peter on Anal Probes, Part 2

"there’s nothing grander then the thought of an anal probe and dale T. the term and the man are as one."