Peter on Productivity

"my version of productivity is not pissing on myself."

Peter on Friendship

"i'm not 1-800-call-a-buddy."

Peter on Disappointment

"i'm just very disappointed. i'm disappointed in you. i'm very disappointed with my life, i'm disappointed in your progress in my life."

Peter on Understanding

"i tell you* more about my life than you even know about yours."

a friend who accused peter of not being forthcoming with information.

Peter on The Circle of Safety, Part 3

"seriously, there's a circle of safety. the circle of safety is about ten/fifteen feet around me."

Peter on Life, Part 8

"i woke up to take a nap... thanks for making me remember how bad my life sucks*"

*spoken to a friend who asked him what he did with his day.

Peter on Effort, Part 3

"i mean, it comes to the point where you just have to stop trying. i’m not suggesting giving up. no. that would be to easy and, well, messy... and i don’t know where to buy a gun, anyway."

Peter on Video Game Etiquette, Part 4

"this… this is why nintendo is evil*. because people with teeth like that, should NEVER be smiling, EVER. you got teeth like that**, you got nothin’ to be happy about."

*peter commenting on a commercial for a video game on the nintendo wii system.

**several people in the commercial were orthodontic nightmares.

Peter on Effort, Part 2

"our family has no stroke within our town... we only cause them."

Peter on Reality, Part 4

"he* would have saved me a lot of trouble had he died and the old woman were alive."

*dale T

Peter on Government, Part 2

"when it comes to the government, they are some of the most unreliable motherfuckers i've ever seen!"

Peter on Disability, Part 2

"the biggest problem with me is that i'm not disabled enough."

Peter on Madden

"now i'm stuck here all day and the only highlight is madden. you know you've entered the 9th level of hell when that's all you have to look forward to."

Peter on Disability

"well, i just got a good swift kick in the shins again.* denied for disability once again, as if the first time wasn’t good enough. they claim that i can lift “up to 20 lbs” for “4 to 8 hours” at a time. not really clear how that qualifies me for anything but, hey, this is new york state."

*this was many years ago

Peter on the Cosmic Dildo

"the cosmic dildo can also bring joy!"

Peter on Life, Part 4

"well, if i had more money i could buy numbers 1 and 3, so...*"

*spoken in response to the question 'what if you could buy love, money, and hope?'

Peter on Life, Part 3

"nothing. still no love, no money, no hope.*"

*spoken in response to the question 'so what's new in the world?'

Peter on The Great Depression

"i understand that the depression was a bitch, but i get depressed just hearing about it and - quite frankly - it gives me the shits! that was 19-nothing, this is 2008! die or get the fuck over it!"

Peter on Dale T's Social Life

"i have no clue why the man feels he needs a social life. i don't get it. i don't wanna get it. i wanna know nothing about it, ok?"

Peter on Knowing Jesus, Part 2

"it's like, you know 'i know jesus' and you get hung up on a fucking cross somewhere. 'because knowing jesus brings persecution' ...wow, thanks! wheeew! if only i'd known that in the first fucking brochure. you kinda left that one outta the beautiful, wonderful cosmic picture of christianity - thanks!"