Peter on Having Kids

"why would i put my nuts in a blender if i don't need to?"

Peter on Procreation

"if you insist on having kids, and know deep down inside that the kid is ugly, please dont be taking pictures. you know a child with jagged buckteeth is NOT cute!!!"

Peter on Failure

“your father fell into the dip tank* again.**”

*a wire milling device that consists of a well of oil sludge and a swiftly spinning bail of wire.
**what peter's mother use to tell him when he was a child at every instance of his father - dale T - failing at life.

Peter on Video Game Violence, Part 2

"to be honest with you it's a way to relax. i know that sounds weird especially if you are yelling and cursing at the screen and throwing the controller, but it's true."

Peter on Video Game Violence

"yes, i get frustrated, i get angry. yes, i've thrown the controller, yes, it happens. does that mean that video games equal violence? i can't draw that connection. yes, you get angry. but you know what? you get angry at your kid, too. tell me there hasn't been a time that anyone who's a parent has wanted to literally just beat the shit outta their kid. tell me that. the only difference is, with a controller, if you throw the controller and if it breaks you go buy a new one. you get mad at the kid, you beat the kid, the kid breaks, you can't buy a new one."

Peter on Baby Parties, Part 2

"you wanna have cake? you know how you do it? you go down to your local walmart, you pick up a four dollar fucking cake, you take it to the house, and you cream each other's lips with it, and you giggle - HA HA HA - and talk about your girlie shit."

Peter on Abortion Rights

"sure, i support abortion rights. if i ever did have kids, an abortion would be in order: me!"