Peter on Miracles

"i would give my left nut for a miracle."

Peter on Life, Part 12

"i've outlived my uselessness."

Peter on Sympathy and Canes

"you see someone with a cane, there's sympathy. you see a 400 lb man wandering around the chip aisle with a cane, there's no sympathy."

Peter on School, Part 3

"mr. prosser didn't address shit, ever*. he's got no spine at all. worthless as a father, bare minimum worthless as a human being!"

*peter, still commentating on getting notes home from school addressed to his father.

Peter on School, Part 2

"mrs. prosser will whup some ass, but mr prosser wont' do shit. mr prosser be sitting on the couch watching westerns and eating beans.*"

*peter, upon recalling getting a note home to his parents which was addressed to his father, as opposed to his mother. his mother actually wore the pants in the family.

Peter on The Bible Code

"i'm not INTO the bible code, i just want to see if it comes true."

Peter on Self-Actualization

"i don't have a whole lot of, well, anything going on."

Peter on Dale T, Part 8

"i should 5446* his ass."

*take a guess

Peter on Motivation, Part 2

"if you're gonna be an asshole, be the biggest one you can be."

Peter on The Work of The Devil

"if TV is the work of the devil then so is the sofa."

Peter on People

"don't get me wrong, i do like people, but fuck 'em!"

Peter on P0rn, Part 4

"do you understand what internet porn has done for the industry of life?"

Peter on Life, Part 11

"i feel like mario. i risk my life, beat the whole the damn level, and the bitch ain't home.*"

*peter, after positing that the phrase "sorry mario, the princess is in another castle" is a metaphor for reality.