Peter on Wii Lack

"950 billion wiis sold and i'm the only person left on god's green earth* that hasn't found one yet? that's depressing."

*peter himself

Peter on Disappointment

"i'm just very disappointed. i'm disappointed in you. i'm very disappointed with my life, i'm disappointed in your progress in my life."

Peter on Bob's Game

"the day i pay money for a game called 'bob's game' is the day i stick rabid wolverines into my colon."

Peter on UPS

"sometimes you get lucky and shit* ends up on the 'early truck'. well, mine got put on the 'early fuck'."

*your much-desired shipment of joy

Peter on Armageddon, Part 3

"really, i beg God for armageddon everyday, just so that i can finally move out of new york state."

Peter on Motherfucker

"people often get all offended over the word motherfucker. get the fuck over it. motherfucker is like a comma! it has nothing to do with actually fucking someone's mother!"

Peter on The N Word

"get the fuck over it, cowboy the fuck up, and grow a set of man slacks, ok?"

Peter on Understanding

"i tell you* more about my life than you even know about yours."

a friend who accused peter of not being forthcoming with information.

Peter on Trials

"god sends me trials to piss me off."

Peter on Failure, Part 2

"i fail so that others may live."

Peter on Symbolism

"if it's symbolic, nobody cares.*"

*said to a friend who was describing some artwork

Peter on God, Part 3

"i can't tell you that there is a god. but i can tell you there are a whole bunch of sorry excuses for human beings who want there to be a reason for their existence."

Peter on Spelling

"i haven't been to bed yet* so don't go getting cute with the spelling."

*spoken at 9am (after an all-nighter) upon being challenged regarding his spelling of 'rite'. he wrote 'right'.