Peter on Lite Iced Tea

"have you ever tried to drink iced tea with fake sugar packets?? it just ain’t the same, and this on-going beverage blasphemy just isn’t going happen ANY MORE. all i want is real sugar in my tea and real mayo for everything else. is that so hard? i’m not asking for world peace or mountains to crumble or anything, just give me a few earthly delights before i die!"

Peter on No Fat

"i’ll die before any of that light mayonnaise or sweet-n-low crap ever comes into this house - or near my lips for that matter! that light mayo tastes like wood glue and should simply be used as such! how in the world can anyone produce that type of shit and think that it tastes good? and don’t even get me started on that sweet-n-low fake sugar packet stuff!"