Peter on The Shaft

"I'm getting shafted every second of every day!"

Peter on Stressful Lifestyles

"You need to tone the fuck down. Everything else needs to be put on hold...either that or you die."

Peter on Matt's Commentary

"I see the lips flappin' but you don't have any clue what you're saying."

Peter on Gram and Inflation

"She wanted me to paint the kitchen for $5 like it was 1935 or something. I said, 'Gram, I'll do it for $50, I'll even cut ya a break; I'll do the whole kitchen for 35 bucks.' She thought that was outlandish. She said, 'EETER YA GONNA PAINT MA KITCHEN? I'LL GIVE YE FIVE DOLLARZ' and I said, 'Gram, Jesus. It's called inflation. It's called inflation, woman. INFLATION. Five dollars ain't going nowhere!'"

Peter on Johnny Carson Again

"Johnny Carson was the equivalent of Jaws; you wanted to see Johnny!"

Peter on Johnny Carson

"Johnny Carson was a fucking miracle!"