Peter on Bro

"people who use the term "bro" should be punched in the face 3 or 4 times daily."

Peter on Football Celebration

"dude, if you dance when your team is down you get fined, beaten, and shoed in the nutz!"

Peter on Sarah Palin

"reason #9953 why i hate sarah palin: up until 2008, no one actually considered alaska a part of the better 48! now, it just wont go away."

Peter on Sarah Palin

"reason #9964 why i hate sarah palin: every goddamn reality show now-a-days has to be centered around 'doing it the alaska way' which must mean freakishly crazy, insanely dangerous and extra stupid!"

Peter on Clint Eastwood

"i just got done watching clint eastwood's 'blood work'. it was an interesting movie. i kinda liked that woman who made love to clint on the boat... let's be honest, who doesn't want to make love to clint eastwood on a boat?"

Peter on Reality

"i want there to be a physical tarnishment of reality!"

Peter on Ice Cream

"neapolitan ice cream is like jesus christ - everyone has an opinion."

Peter on Adam Sandler

"there is another reality where this fucker has never made a single movie... that's my reality."

Peter on Attitude

"what if elizabeth taylor got a bit chippy?"

Peter on the Playoffs

"i'm not really paying attention to the playoffs. when your mouth tastes likes you've been sucking on a tin can, it's hard to think about anything but that."

Peter on Peyton

"i think peyton needs to stop wrapping himself up in bubble wrap and making commericals and learn how to win for a change."

Peter on the New Zodiac

"mine is the same, damn it; same lousy fucking fate as before!"

Peter on Fringe Season 2

"i have 11 words for you son: 1) peter 2) weller 3) fringe 4) season 5) 2 6) time 7) travel 8) oh 9) my 10) tap-dancing 11) Christ!"

Peter on Abandonment

"...divorce!?"

response when asked what a friend should do about having to spend two weeks at the in-laws for christmas break. 

Peter on Loneliness

"i haven't seen another single human being for over 4 weeks. it's no big loss."

Peter on Inception

"i wish someone would plant the idea of a cube steak in my freezer, damn it."

Peter on John Elway

"john elway's upper lip and mouth look like they want to rebel against the rest of his face... just saying..."

Peter on Inflatable Furniture

"people who have inflatable furniture need to be beaten within an inch of their lives."

Peter on Life's Big Questions

"why do people insist on trying to make other people believe that cold beer is the exact same as raging horses?"

Peter on Zero Calories

"zero calorie means zero interest."

Peter on The 12th Man

"they're not the 12th man, they're the 12th asshole."

Peter on Bad Football Games

"i'd rather be caught materbating to gay porn than watch this game..."

Peter on The 12th Man

"yeah, and i'm the the 12th asshole."

Peter on Names

"i don't trust people named "cris" and don't use an H"

Peter on Football

"football depression is the worst. it doesn't last long, but it's bitter."

Peter on New Years

"people who kiss on new years need to be punched right after."