Peter on Bowling

"dude, if you've got time to bowl, you've got time to get kicked in da nutz! it's a fact: write it down, then look it up!"

Peter on The North

"there ain't nothing up north but canada, cold, and bullshit."

Peter on Patrick Swayze

"patrick swayze makes any woman feel like a woman... hell, he even makes me feel like a woman."

Peter on the Dirty Dancing "Limited Keepsake Edition" DVD

"it's actually a nice little package. though every time i look it over i feel my manhood shrivling up into nothingness."

Peter on Drugs

"dude, i haven't blinked in like 10 minutes. wooooooooooo!"

Peter on Favre's Wrangler Ads

"i hate favre's pants ads. now, if he were selling pants for cars i might be more interested."

Peter on Age Is How You Feel

"i'm getting old: i can't get enough of canned peaches and fruit."

Peter on Drugs

"i love endorphins. because while i eat, i don't feel anything."

Peter on Politics

"yes, you do have politics! you got the politics of pissing me off!"

Peter on Christmas Gifts

"i find it so sweet that your mother gave you something video game related for christmas for the very first time...takes me back to 1984!"

Peter on Halo Reach

"brace for carnage? i've already been braced for carnage for 33
years, sir"

Peter on Halo Reach

"brace for carnage? i've already been carnalized, goddamn it!"

Peter on Living in the Middle of Nowhere

"I FUCKING ALREADY KNOW THAT, ASSHOLE, I DON'T NEED IT RUBBED INTO MY
NUTS LIKE A SMELLY DIAPER!!"

Peter on Fatherhood

"what exactly is a "full time dad"? does just living in the home, equal "full time"? i mean, shit, dale T was at home all the time and yet wouldn't be called a full time anything..."