Peter on Gaming

"i will say that taking vicodine and playing mario kart (or tetris ds online) is one of the sweeter things in life...i don't always win but, damn it, i feel good!"

Peter on Grilling

"damn it, i'm a man; i need to grill shit!"

Peter on Country Music

"why do hicks think that they can bring peace to the world through country music? if anything is does the exact opposite."

Peter on Kosher Foods

"kosher hotdogs? listen: hot dogs are NEVER kosher. never ever ever never! i don't care if they are made by jews, made for jews, or made of jews, they ain't kosher!"

Peter on Canned Pasta

"i'm sorry, if you're eating canned pasta, you ain't going for healthy and kosher!"

Peter on Gaming

"i envision a world where there are no load-fuck-times!"

Peter on Gaming

"see, i'm not a winner in real life so i need to be a winner in gaming."

Peter on Country Music

kenny rogers: he's the only hick i like... him and johnny cash!

Peter on Disability

"either i've got ALS, or there's something wrong with my controllers..."

Peter on Graziano

"seriously, with a name like graziano you can't help but taste the oregano."

Peter on Skin Care

"it's not good when you've sat so long that your shorts have started to meld with your genitalia... kinda like when you've slept on your arm, and there is an imprint of the sheet in your skin..."

Peter on Children

"See, for the record, I only hate children collectively in the comedic sense, not individually, so I don't "hate your kids," unless they are screaming and acting stupid for little to no reason."

Peter on Bob Dole

"bob dole: glorified pen holder"

Peter on the Future, Not

"instead of flying cars, we've got those little-cock-car hybrids that look like you're tooling around in gary colman's penis!"