Peter on Symbolism

"if it's symbolic, nobody cares.*"

*said to a friend who was describing some artwork

Peter on Country Music, Part 3

"if you've heard one country song then you have A) pretty much heard them all, and B) have heard enough."

Peter on Holidays, Part 4

"the holidays over! get with the program - reality is a knockin'!*"

*spoken to a friend who didn't immediately meet peter's demands, using the holidays as an excuse for his delay.

Peter on Taxes, Part 2

"they should put a tax of 50 cents on every fool lawmaker who says stupid shit. trust me, we'd be rollin' in surplus cash."

Peter on Dale T, Part 3

"see, the man doesn't want anything to do with you - ever. i mean, the man would disown you if he could. yet the moment i'm trying to sleep he's trying to be my loving father and take me on a fucking fishing trip, ok? all i wanna do is sleep! when i'm sick, i wanna sleep, get the fuck away from me!"

Peter on Effort

"try as you must, fail as you do."

Peter on The Boss

"i think i speak for everyone with more than 2 active brain cells when i say FUCK THE BOSS! i didn't want to listen to him today,* much less know i'll have endure the prick during the super bowl, too! i mean, come on!"

*said after bruce springsteen presented a new song on sunday night football this week.

Peter on Family Feuds

"i said to him*, 'what, you called the cops on me for telling the truth?' and he says to me, 'dat’s truth from yer point of view!' correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s called an OPINION you fuckwit! a truth is a truth no matter where it’s coming from!"

*spoken about dale T, after the man harassed peter on trumped up charges

Peter on His Father's Fornication

"do what ever you want, just don’t do it at the house!*”

*said to his father mere months before the house was taken over by the new girlfriend

Peter on Make-A-Wish

"where the fuck was make-a-wish all those years ago when i was a little kid crying myself to sleep?"

Peter on Churches

"churches are supposed to be all sweetness and light, right? they're supposed to love everyone and give grace to all. but all that really means is that churches are basically enablers, allowing a lot of fools to continue in their dumbass ways. oh, no, we would't dare call that person an idiot or a dolt, or, i don't know, a FUCKING moron. they're precious and just need to be 'plugged in.' right."

Peter on Video Game Heros

"dash*, why did you fall? dash, you're a fucking moron. mario, why did you fall off the platform, you stupid bastard?"

*dash rendar, from lucasarts "star wars: shadows of the empire" for the SNES.

Peter on Dale T's Eggs, Part 2

"the problem is he saw the old woman do it once because the old woman is lazy and stupid. so he thought he could do it too. so i go out there and there's eqq shells everywhere - like eight shells in a fuckin' bowl. so today i said to him, i said 'dale T. you see this big blue motherfucker?' and i pointed to the trash can. i said, 'what is this?' he didn't know. i said, ' dale T, that's where the egg shells go, into the trash. they don't go into the bowl!'"

Peter on Family Visiting

"people don't understand - i'm not like a normal person. i'm not a normal person. i'm not one of these socializing type people. you wanna socialize with me, give me twenty bucks and get the fuck outta my face. that's how i work, that's how i operate. that's my life, that's what i do."

Peter on Visiting Family

"my aunt linda, she wants me to come up to her house and to be honest with you, i don't wanna go. it's nothing personal, nothing against them, nothing against their house. nothing against anything. i just don't wanna leave my house. their house ain't my house and their house ain't got what my house does. i just don't wanna go. i don't wanna go and sit while dale T giggles and bucks out his teeth and giggles some more. that is not what i call a day in the park.

Peter on Country Music, Part 2

"i am not a hillbilly. i don't wanna hear about hillbilly life. i don't give two shits about what a hick goes through on a daily basis; you know: 'excuse me, but my beer's empty', 'can you help me find me a bottle opener?', 'my smokes are gone.' how can people live with this shit and play it 24 hours a day?

Peter on Country Music

"the dude takes a term and puts it with another term and they call it a hit. 'outta da clear blue skyyyy!' and of course, what do they name the song? 'clear blue sky.' uh, hello? it'd be like the little red chevy... LIL' RED CHEVYYYY! na nat nah nana nah na! i mean what the fuck is that?"

Peter on Baby Parties

"a five-year-old kid ain't gonna remember you were at the party. if you need to get together and gab, go to the bitches house on a tuesday, a thursday, a wednesday. you don't need a baby party to go to. it's that simple. you do not need to go to the baby's party just to get together and gab."