Peter on Salted Nuts

"this might be the prosser in me talking, but damn it... i sure do love me some salted nuts!"

Peter on Procreation

"if you insist on having kids, and know deep down inside that the kid is ugly, please dont be taking pictures. you know a child with jagged buckteeth is NOT cute!!!"

Peter on Wilderness Lust

"that sounds like a plan if your house burns down and you're out in the boondocks and you got no family nearby and no transportation! you don't do it because it's fun! you don't do it because you want to get away! you don't do it... because you don't do it!*"

spoken in response to the notion of someone suggesting "let's go sit outside, roast some marshmallows, have ourselves a camp fire!"

Peter on Horse Love

"i don't see the horse thing* as being sexual (though don't quote me on that), but as more of a lust for ponies. like a love for westerns and shit."

*peter believes NFL quarterback eli manning has a strong interest in horses

Peter on Gainful Employment, Part 2

"if there was a job, there would be money. of course, who's gonna hire a 400 pound cripple? you know? and even when i could get around better, back in, you know, the late '90s - early 2000's... seriously, who's going to hire a 400 pound plus person who's not qualified for anything?"

Peter on Homosexuality

"i embrace the 'love that dare not speak its name.' not to the point of taking cock in the ass or mouth, but to the point of enjoying the exploits of said love... perhaps."

Peter on Dale T's Lusts

"he was standing there in bliss like he just won the lotto!" (referring to dale T's* lust for hobbitses**)

*Dale T is Peter's father. Allegedly.
**Hobbitses refers to the race of pint-sized, rotund, food-focused and adventure-averse creatures called Hobbits that populate British writer and scholar J. R. R. Tolkien's fictional world of Middle Earth. In Tolkien's book, The Lord of the Rings, the character Gollum refers to hobbits as "hobbitses." Because of the pint-sized, rotund, food-focused nature of Dale T's second wife, Peter has deemed her to be a "hobbit" and thus, in anger and woe, often speaks of her as a "hobbitses."