Peter on the Beauty of God

"You think you know? No, you're wrong! It doesn't matter! That's the beauty of God: God is gonna look at you and say, 'You are fucking wrong!' You could literally be sitting on God's lap, looking Him in the eye, and He's gonna say, 'Motherfucker, you're wrong. You're not actually sitting here right now. You think you're sitting here, but you don't know shit!' You don't know what the fuck you're talking about; that's the beauty of God. That's the beauty. No matter what you think you know, it don't mean shit!"

Peter on Knowing God

"If You're on another plane of existence that I can't grasp then You have no validity! I've said this before: if God is not a conceptual understanding that I can get, then He means nothing! I'm sorry! He's like, 'I'm the God of the universe and I know everything; i know the beginning from the end!' - well, then you should know I didn't get the shit, motherfucker! You should understand I don't fuckin' get it! 'Well, it's your fault that you didn't get it' - Oh, it's my fault that You wrote something that I didn't get? Oh, OK, sorry; I'll see You in hell then."

Peter on Writing

"Listen, if you're going to write a book and it ain't gonna make a lick of sense, then what's the point? OK? I'm gonna write a book and type out 'DUCK-UH, DUCK-UH, DUCK-UH, DUUUH!' and if you can't grasp what DUCK-UH, DUCK-UH, DUUUH! means then, guess what, I failed as a writer! Did I not? Yes, I did.'"

Peter on the Message of Jesus

"He came to preach to those motherfuckers that they were wrong! He basically said 'I rebuke you, motherfucker! You're wrong! Do it this way! That's what you're supposed to be teaching the people!' That's what He said."

Peter on Jots and Tittles

"I hate the word 'jot' and I hate the word 'tittle'! They irritate me. Those are more words that are being stricken! No more jot and tittles! Oh, God - every time I hear the words 'jot' and 'tittles' I just want to punch something, ok. I'll give you a jot and a tittle, motherfucker, and you ain't gonna like it - it's called a size 13!"

Peter on Feeding the Five Thousand

"Fine, fuck you, I'll feed you! Fed the five thousand!"

Peter on The Most Recent Boil Water Advisory

"Dude, it's Upstate NY! When is there NOT a boil water advisory?! I distill mine! You should see all the crap in there on a 'good' day!"

Peter on Quoting His Sayings

"You can't just make up your own quotes about what you think I said!? I said what I meant and meant what I said...sir!"

Peter on Sexting with Anthony Weiner, Part 2

"Poor Anthony! But he stopped before deciding to run for mayor...what more do you want!? He's just a scumbag...he acts like such a bastard. His wife is hot! Love your wife Weiner! Sext your wife Weiner, you'll love it...better yet, she'll love it too!"

Peter on Sexting with Anthony Weiner, Part 1

"Sexting is one thing, but doing it while you're married is BS! As Chris Mathews said, 'Apparently Weiner has been sending naked pictures of himself to thousands of random strangers!' ...I might run for Mayor!"