Peter on The Royal Birth

"Another Royal suckhole just shat out into the world! What exactly do they do other than breed nerdy men who get to sleep with beautiful women? Everyone knows that if these geeks had to go to a real high school here in America that their heads would be shoved into toilets and their lunch money stolen!"

Peter on His Horoscope Telling Him to Slow Down

"If I go any slower than normal I'll be traveling backwards in time... this can't be good!"

Peter on George Zimmerman, Trayvon Martin, and Sean Hannity

"Yeah, fuckstick got a broken nose, Trayvon got a body bag... Sean Hannity seems to think thats ok."

Peter on AWOL Friends

"That slightly awkward moment when you just happen to glance over at your friends list to see that 5 of them are missing... and you didn't notice or even care!"

Peter on Gifts That Keep on Giving

"I think my father might be in for a rude awakening! I can't seem to locate my 'Grandma's Effin' Potato Salad' (I added the 'effin' for flavor), and it might be in the back of his truck... and it should be warm tomorrow,  too. Whole pound of that shit is gone - $4 worth, rotting in the back of his truck."

Peter on Guns

"Remember, hillbillies: what goes up, must come down... YEE-HAAAA!"

Peter on Dinner Sadness

"I bought everything to make meatball subs, but found out they were out of the frozen ones. My back hurt too much to go back around to buy hamburger to make them the old fashioned way. Rolls, sauce, cheese, all for naught! — feeling sad."

Peter on A Good Day's Work

"Have fun at work! I'm off to try and roll over and pray I make it to the bathroom before pissing myself! To each his own!"

Peter on Share Worthy Info, Part 1

"Peter shared Burger King's photo"

Peter on Sciatic Pain

"I wish I could get people to grasp what Sciatic Nerve pain actually is. When we are at the store, my father is like: "Just take your time," and "You need to get out and walk around a lil bit" ...yeah, and why don't you just get out and "walk around" my dick a few times! Honestly, does anyone have a clue what having spasms shooting up and down your right leg, to the point where it's just bobbling back and forth uncontrollably like and old sea worthy sea captain!? Or that just trying to roll over illicits such sharp pain that you don't even hear yourself screaming!? Or having your lower back so hobbled up that the only way to straighten it is to plant your feet into a doorway and with your arms, push it back into place! Thankfully, it doesn't act up all the time, but when it does, it's 3 to 4 weeks of pure bullshit!"